Loss
by Englasu
Summary: One-shot about Seto. A pure vent from a bad day. Hope you like it. Rated for suicide and cutting.


((This is just a little sidetracked one-shot taken into play because my day sucked. Hope you people like it.))  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, bla bla bla...  
  
His fingers twisted into his hair and he fell to his knees and screamed at the sky.  
  
"WHY?!"  
  
It wasn't fair... it just wasn't fair. What ever had he done wrong? Yeah, so maybe he hadn't been the best friend, he hadn't tried to be kind to everyone, to try and cure world hunger. But that didn't mean he deserved this, did it?  
  
'No... No. He can't. He just can't...'  
  
He stared down at the ground in a trance, letting his arms fall to his sides limply; it had hit him full in the face now. A week had past, maybe two, he'd stopped counting, but right now was the only moment that it truly sunk into the depths of his soul and tore him apart limb for limb.  
  
Mokuba. Was. Dead.  
  
Kaiba shut his eyes to hold back the tears that writhed underneath the restricting lids. He was alone, all alone, never again to be loved and cared for. His little brother, his world, had been taken from him. And who had caused such an atrocity to take place? None other than the one bane of his life:  
  
Yugi Motou.  
  
He couldn't believe it, and he shook his head. He wouldn't believe it; it was impossible! How could something like this happy? But no, it had. Seto had been so tied up in his revenge against his rival that he had been oblivious to all that had been going on outside the world of bloodshed that he so wanted to cause. And had he won? Yes, he had one, but at the ultimate price.  
  
"Seto! Big brother!"  
  
Kaiba winced, hearing the calls in his head was painful, he'd heard Mokuba's voice around the house before, considered it just to be his little brother going up to his room, it had all been normal. "I'm going over to a friend's, big brother. Be back before ten." "I have to go do my homework. See ya later." "Good night, Seto."  
  
His fists shook, how could he have let this happen? How could he have let his little brother slip from his grasp so easily? How could he have abandoned the only thing that he had left?  
  
Lids repealed their confines onto the wet droplets hidden behind his eyes and the waterfall swelled over. The sobs never came, those desperate gasps for breath, only the tears streamed down his face, the story of his life.  
  
"Did I really deserve this?" It came out less than a monotone in his voice. He knew he deserved it. How could he not? He'd never done anything for anyone, only for himself and for his brother, and because of his own selfish reasons... he shook his head.  
  
"I am so sorry, little brother." He finally pushed himself up off of the floor in the kitchen and ran upstairs, slamming the door to his room behind him and he grabbed the knife that was inside of his desk drawer, the one that he used for opening letters. Now he would use it to open his soul.  
  
Sitting down on his bed he set the cold metal to his flesh and pulled. Across, over, down, repeat. The sickly cycle played over his skin as the unrelenting hatred tore at his mind, the only difference now was that it showed on his skin.  
  
He remembered it perfectly; it was so ridiculous it was sick. He'd been dueling Yugi, simple, clean, nothing wrong with that. And Mokuba was behind him, holding the briefcase diligently, and now that Seto thought about it... he never should have made his brother carry that thing, ever.  
  
But that was beside the point; it was too late to change that now. Couldn't he have changed it then though? No, it was too late then. The second he sought after Yugi his little brother was dead, dead to him, dead to the world. He'd been so bent on winning that he hadn't heard the cries from his sibling, or felt the tugs on his coat, or comforted the sobs and tears that came to his world's eyes.  
  
Seto shivered; uncontrollably he impaled his hand, right through and into the mattress underneath. He gasped at the jarring pain that went straight through his palm.  
  
"Little brother..." He ground his jaw together, speaking through tightly clenched teeth, staring at the blood that started coming from his hand. "Forgive me. Forgive me for all the horrible things I've done. Forgive me for all that I've done to you... And please, please forgive me for ever not listening, for not spending as much time with you as I could have..."  
  
Mokuba had fallen. Seto had been so lost in his world of revenge that the warnings had not come to him and as he was going to be the one falling, Mokuba had come. He'd pushed Kaiba away with all his strength, and that had set him off balance.  
  
Seto could remember what it looked like, his little brother crushed, hundreds of stories below... How could he have been so stupid? How could he not have seen that he was backing up? But no, it hadn't been just him. Yugi helped. Motou had been pushing Kaiba back as they talked, matching him step for step, forcing him back to the edge, but in his bare hatred he hadn't even noticed.  
  
The once proud CEO now gave up; no one would ever see him in this condition, crying on his bed with his arms sliced beyond repair, and his hand seeping blood onto the always-clean sheets.  
  
"Mokuba, brother... my little brother... I hope- no, I know, that you're in a much better place. I hope you're happy with our mother and father; you'll finally get to know our mother. But please, don't miss me. I know I won't be seeing you, I've done nothing that makes me deserve where you must be now, but death for me is just that, death. My soul will not go anywhere; I'll gain no angel. I'll be left a ghost to wander the earth, wishing that I could be living the lives of the people I watch, learning what I could have done. Praying that you will find it in your heart to somehow forgive me." He slashed the knife over both of his wrists; all he had to do now was wait. "I give up little brother, I give up. Mokuba, I can't do this. I never could. You were my reason for living, and because I was alive, I lost you. I can't live knowing that you died because of my foolishness."  
  
He stared as the blood pulsed from his veins, feeling the life draining from him. "I love you, Mokuba. I never told you that enough... but everything I did was for you. I tried to give you the best life that I could provide for you; I know that I wasn't much of a brother. I know that I wasn't much of anything... I only wish you were alive now so that I could tell you it. I only wish that you were alive so you might live life without me in it, to have a life that you'll enjoy, and to find a family that would make you happy."  
  
Seto Kaiba shut his eyes, knowing that it would be the last time he ever did so, and he lay back on his bed, pulling the locket from around his neck he lay back on his bed. Putting the small frame into his hand, he crushed it, hearing and feeling the glass shatter, and his lips quivered. "I am so sorry..."  
  
***************************************  
  
"Sir, I have some news for you." Kaiba's secretary came into the vice- president's office. "Seto Kaiba is dead."  
  
The vice-president nodded as he was staring at the computer screen. "I know. I'm already getting the papers changed over for control of the company."  
  
She smiled faintly. "So you will become the president I assume?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
His secretary turned to go back to the door. "I'm glad he's gone actually... He never was much of a man." 


End file.
